That’s right, Akhil and I are happy to share that we are expecting our first child this December!
I remember the day we found out like it was yesterday. Days leading up to it, I knew something was off. My body is generally clockwork and to spare you the details, it wasn’t ticking like the clock I had always known. I took a test the day before my expected period and it came out negative. I took one again the next morning – the type of tests where a positive pregnancy result has two lines and a negative result has only one line. I saw one solid line and a very very very faint (emphasis on the very) line in the second window. I thought nothing of it, but decided to google it anyway, where the first google hit said this…
…but we were still skeptical. My husband then rushed out to the nearest drug store and bought some easy to read tests – the ones that simply say, “Pregnant” or “Not Pregnant”. We decided to wait until the next day to try again, as a way to not get our hopes up.
We were sitting down watching The League and despite agreeing on waiting till the next day, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I needed to know. I had a gut feeling and my body felt different, so I went ahead and did another test. You have to wait about a minute for the test to give you a result. Seeing I was a nervous wreck, my husband told me to sit on the couch so I don’t touch the test too soon and tamper with the results. Then we heard the beep – the results were ready. “You’re pregnant”, says my husband point blank. I was in disbelief, we’d been trying for 8 months and month after month with negative tests and false alarms, I couldn’t believe it. I said, “No, seriously, don’t eff with me”, to which he goes, “No, I’m serious. We’re gonna have a baby”. I took a look at the test that read “Pregnant” and we hugged. Tears of joy ran down both our faces. My husband got himself together within a minute, but my tears wouldn’t stop. I cried for about a half hour when I found out. In that very moment, you realize that your life is about to completely change. I was feeling every possible emotion – I was mixed with feelings of joy, fear and utter confusion. Once I got myself together, I picked up the phone, called my sister, asked her if she had a moment and said, “I’m pregnant”. Sh*t just got real.
I want to take a moment to share with you all that getting pregnant really is a miracle. I find that people who get pregnant within 2 to 3 months of trying are more willing to share their stories, because it’s an easy story to tell. However, true to human nature, any struggles, including those around conceiving are usually kept quiet. I think it’s because many women have pre conceived notions of societal shame for not being able to do what is regarded as a “basic” function of life. What I am finding though, is that the more you open up about your struggles, the more you realize that struggles are the norm and not the exception. Movies and television have taught us that you’ll get pregnant from just looking at someone from the opposite sex, when in reality, women are starting a family much older now and we aren’t as fertile as we were at 26. There’s all these rules you need to follow to conceive and it can get really nerve wracking and even disheartening at times. From this journey, I’ve learned that parenthood comes in many forms and achieved through many means, and no one journey is superior than the other, as long as you put your heart and soul into it.
In my heart, I always knew I wanted to be a mom, and originally said I want to start having kids at 29. Twenty-nine approached and I was like, WOAH, that came quick…let’s wait until next year. Then 30 sneaked up on me, to which I said…not yet. I just wasn’t ready. The idea of having children is far different from the reality of actually having them. First you have to think about the changes your body is going to go through, call me vain, but that part terrifies me. Then you have all these women telling you horror stories about labour (for the record ladies…not wise to tell a girl whose thinking about starting a family). Not to mention the fact you can’t drink while you’re pregnant and are limited if you’re nursing – I mean BeautyCubed does stand for Beauty, Brains and BOURBON! Your life completely changes – you are no longer living for yourself, and suddenly, you have a life that is completely dependent on you. So I’d be lying to you if I said I wasn’t scared. Although I’ve been around babies all my life – I helped raise my cousins and play a bit part in my nieces lives – I’ve changed diapers, bathed them, fed them and put them to bed; but if there was anything I didn’t want to do, I didn’t have to do it, because simply put, it’s not my child!
In the recent past, I was put off the idea of having children by making assumptions about how your life changes in a negative way. Your independence is gone, you can’t go out and party on a whim, you have no time to take care of yourself, do your hair, do your make up, your life is pretty much your kid(s). I think in the past ten years, there’s been a lot of positive mommy movements. You’re seeing more and more women, get their “body back”, where some in many cases are healthier and fitter than before. Women are finding time to juggle it all, while looking fabulous. Blame it on social media for showing only the high points of ones life, but the point is, high points still exist. It doesn’t all go down the drain once you have a kid. I think it’s all about priorities. If I want to get my hair and nails done and look fabulous, that is a part of me and it won’t stop when I have kids. Sure, it’ll be harder with a baby crying, but you’ll manage. There’s been an emergence of super moms – the likes of Marissa Mayer, CEO of Yahoo, mother to three young kids – where although being a mom is a big part of who you are, it doesn’t have to define you. You define yourself.